How-to-Tuesday #10

This Tuesday let me give you some tips on how to survive 2017!

I normally never do New Year’s resolutions, but I thought this year would be the best time to start. I mean, 2016 has been a hell of a ride and I need some positivity to survive 2017. However, I’m not interested in those stupid resolutions that are impossible to actually stick to.

I’ll only eat fast food once a moth.

  • Yeah right, Martha, we all know that the cashiers at Macdonald’s know your order by heart and call you by your first name.

I’ll go to the gym four times a week to get a six pack.

  • Of course you are, uncle John. Just remember that just because you call your bar the gym and always drink a six pack of beer doesn’t mean anything.

I’ll be nice to everyone this year.

  • Emma, you even yelled at your own reflection in the mirror because you couldn’t get your eye-liner right.

 

So here are my 10 resolutions. Feel free to steal these resolutions for your 2017.

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  1. Listen to a song I love every morning after I wake up. What better way to start your day than some nice music?
  2. Smile to a random stranger whenever I walk down to street. Sometimes the best way to make yourself feel better is by making someone else happy.
  3. Enjoy every time I eat something unhealthy. I personally believe you need stick to a diet that is a good balance between healthy and unhealthy food. Just remember that when you do go for something really unhealthy to enjoy every bite!
  4. Compliment others. Giving a compliment is the easiest thing in the world so why not do it more often?
  5. Go for a walk every once in a while. I have lived in the same town all my life and there is still so much to explore. You don’t have to go out every day. Remember, these resolutions need to be realistic. And maybe take a picture every time you go out to remember this accomplishment, because sometimes just going outside is enough.
  6. Try to learn something new every day. It doesn’t matter what it is. Maybe write it down as well.
  7. Recycle! This is something I already do at home, but it can be a great feeling to do just a little extra to help the environment.
  8. Every month, go one day without your phone. I know some people need their phone for work, so by all means keep your phone turned on, but try not to use it all day. Instead, read that book that has been staring at you from the bookshelf for months and months. Maybe try to survive the day without internet as well!
  9. Invest more time in your blog. This one is really aimed at myself, but it can be used by anyone. Just change the word blog for whatever hobby makes you happy. Maybe photography, painting, design, learning a new language, gardening, singing, playing an instrument. Anything is possible.
  10. Don’t get mad when something doesn’t work out. It’s always a good idea to set goals, but don’t get obsessed with them. Never forget that failure is a part of learning too!

 

I know it isn’t New Year’s yet, but it’s time to start thinking about your resolutions. Either join me in my attempt to successfully accomplish my resolutions or let this list inspire you to create your own list. Let me know what your resolutions will be for 2017!

Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #9

This Tuesday: How to get motivated to exercise?

It’s almost that time of year again, New Year’s Eve, and you know what that means. New Year’s resolutions. Eating healthier, going out more, studying more, spending more time with friends and family and probably the most common resolution of all: exercising. I’m probably the most lazy person you’ll ever meet so here are my 5 stages of exercise.

Denial: I’m feeling good. I’m ready to do this. Gym, here I come! I got this! No problem. My body will look incredible.

Anger: I totally didn’t go to the gym last night. I’m an awful person. I’m such an idiot. I hate myself!

Bargaining: I’ll just have that one cookie and instead of watching TV I’ll go running tonight. Yeah, no worries.

Depression: It was just one cookie… Okay, maybe two… and a half. But come on, that half cookie didn’t count. I should have gone running, though. I know. I’m fat.

Acceptance: It’s fine I don’t need to go to the gym. My body looks amazing anyways. There’s just more of me to love. I mean, who really cares? I don’t.

Hey, look a cookie!

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Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #8

You know what time it is?
Yeah you do. It’s time to get off your butts and say bye-bye to vacation. We’re all going back to school and I want to help. This is a how-to-get-ready-for-school-in-the-morning post. You ready? Let’s do this.

The night before preparations:
First of all, you need to get a comfortable sweatshirt with matching sweatpants (wool socks are optional).
Second you need to get a nice and warm blanket, preferably one that’s twice your size so you can really cuddle into it.
Third get into bed and roll yourself into your blanket.
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Don’t forget to set your alarm clock.
Go to sleep. (Maybe watch some more YouTube videos before you really go to sleep, though.)

After your alarm goes off:
Ignore the terrifying noise.
When this doesn’t work, hit the alarm clock aggressively.
Whatever you do, don’t get up. Stay in bed in your protective ball of comfort.
Hit the snooze button.

Five minutes later:
Don’t even bother, just hit the snooze button again. You have more than enough time to get ready. And whatever, you don’t need to shower.

After hitting the snooze button another two times:
You should probably wake up if you want to at least look decent.

Two snooze buttons later:
Don’t worry about it. You can just wear your sweats to school. You’re cool like that. Just hit that snooze button again.

10 minutes later:
You don’t need to eat breakfast.

15 minutes later:
Maybe you should just call in sick. The first day of school sucks anyway. Yeah, you should just stay at home. Don’t even worry about it. Tomorrow the sun will rise again, and maybe you will too. We’ll see. Just go back to sleep. We’ll try again tomorrow.

I hope this helps.

Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #7

Yep, I’m still in the Czech Republic. It truly is an amazing country, but it can be difficult to communicate with people who speak a different language. I speak Dutch, English, some German and some French, but Czech? Not so much. Today, I thought I would give you some different techniques on how to communicate with someone that speaks a different language. Things are about to get intense.

Technique number one: Scream and yell. When someone doesn’t understand what you’re saying try raising your voice. If this doesn’t work keep turning the volume up! Scream, yell, maybe shout a little. It will work. I promise.
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Technique number two: The pointer. When you need something just keep pointing at the thing you want. Just keep that finger up in the air. You can also use the aggressive point! Really put your body into it. Don’t give up.
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Technique number three: Sign language. I know the Italians are pros at this, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use this technique as well. Use your arms, your legs, twist your hips, do a handstand, try an interpretive dance. Just do whatever it takes to explain yourself.
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Technique number four: Emotional breakdown. Everybody understands emotions. Sadness, anger, fright, happiness. Trust me when all else fails your emotions will get the message across.
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Technique number five: Google that sh*t. When nothing worked and you really don’t know what to do just use Google Translate. Type in whatever you want to say and click the Mic icon thingie. Some scary voice will pronounce whatever you want to say, perfectly.
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I hope this helped at least one of you.

Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #6

Everybody loves music. That’s the thing about music there are so many different types there’s something for everyone. Pop, R&B, Jazz, Classical, Rock, Dubstep (I could literally go on for hours).
There are hundreds of thousands of people who want to become musicians. It’s a hard business to get into. But I truly believe that everyone should have a change to make their dreams come true, so I did a little research and found this formula for writing song lyrics. It’s flawless.
This Tuesday how to write a song!

First of all, you need to find a fun word for butts. Maybe booty, badonkadonk (my personal favourite), junk in the trunk (this one already rhymes), tooshy (so cute)!
Use this word as often as possible.

Next, bring up your exes. The rougher the breakup the better! Tell us all the dirty and painful details, but don’t tell us who it’s really about. Keep us guessing!

B*tch! Yep, you guessed it. Use this word at least once. (I tried to think of the male equivalent, but douchebag just doesn’t have the same powerful ring to it.)

Throw your own name in there somewhere. It doesn’t matter when, just shout out your name at random. It has no extra meaning for the song, but who cares! People need to know who’s singing, right?!?

Do a bit in another language! It doesn’t even have to make sense, just use google translate! It makes you sound interesting and smart!

And last but not least, talk about sex in some symbolic way. Letting her dance around my pole, toasting her buns, bumby rides, testing the bed, dirtying up the sheets. Just make something up. Have fun with it.

This is all you need!

Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #5

Yeey, another how to! This week: How not to be afraid!
Nowadays people are pretty much scared of everything. Arachnophobia, Aulophobia, Diabetophobia, Gnosiophobia, Menophobia, Thermophobia or maybe Zemmiphobia. These are just some random phobia’s. You would be surprised how many there are.
But some fears make sense. Spiders are scary. People weren’t meant to be in small confining spaces. Being high up in the air is terrifying. Sharks aren’t cute and neither are snakes. There are some pretty scary things out there. I wouldn’t want to offend anyone by saying their fears aren’t valid, but fear seems to be taking control of our lives. The thing is things aren’t worth doing if they don’t scare you. I wrote a book and send it to different publisher. Scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s hard to do things we can’t control, but that’s often when the best things happen. So this Tuesday I have some tips to not be afraid.

Tip one: Is it a code red situation? Ask yourself if you doing the thing you’re afraid of is going to kill you. Is it even necessary (a shirt has one collar, two sleeves! Anyone get it?) to be afraid? Just remind yourself the longer you keep thinking about it the worse your brain will make it seem. I mean the spider started out as a little creeper, but after a while your brain will convince you you’re fighting a dragon. Make sure you keep it real.

Tip two: What’s the worst thing that could happen? I mean really.

Tip three: Count till three. Don’t give yourself the time to back out. Count till three and ask that cute guy/girl out on a date. It only takes three seconds of courage and it can change your life forever.

Tip four: Think of the reward. Facing your fears head on and walking away unharmed is one of the best feelings in the world. Even when you lose you’ll feel like a winner. You did something scary. That’s awesome. Go you! Have a cookie.

Just remember it’s okay to be afraid just don’t let your fears stop you from doing the things you love! You deserve that! Don’t go looking for someone else to save you. Be your own superhero.
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Have a nice Tuesday.

How-to-Tuesday #4

I hate being wrong. It’s not something that happens often, I’m usually right, but when it does happen things are about to go down. I think it’s all because I’m the youngest. As the youngest you feel this pressure to always be right about everything. The fact that you’re younger doesn’t mean you can make mistakes. Your brother and sister made those mistakes so you wouldn’t have to and now you have no room left for making mistakes. So, this Tuesday I’m going to teach you how to win every argument. Who knows, I might actually learn something myself.
Side note: Ooh, for all the younger siblings who read this post. If you want to win an argument, just start screaming. Crying helps as well.

But let’s get serious. You all know how good I’m at that. I would also like to say that there is a difference between a fact and an opinion. I’m all for everyone having their own opinions, unless their opinion is not the same as my opinion. (Okay, I admit it. That joke was way too easy.)
Let’s do this. Winning an argument in six easy steps.
Step one: Get yourself really pumped up about this argument. Pretend like your life depends on the outcome of this fight. Whatever you do, don’t stay calm. You really need to show everyone you won’t back down!
Step two: Get your facts in order. Make them up if you have to, just make sure you have them ready. I usually use these simple lines like: “Scientific research says…” or maybe “Wikipedia says…” No one can argue with Wikipedia. Really throw those facts in your opponents face. Let them keep coming. Remember don’t back down.
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Step three: Pretend to listen to what your opponent is saying. Here are some other lines you could use. “I see what you mean.” Or “I can understand why you would think that.” Or maybe “That makes sense.” Give them a false sense of accomplishment and then smash them down. Throw some more facts at them. Crush their arguments!
Step four: Whatever he says, just keep asking why! No matter what he says, just keep going. “Why?” “Yeah, I get that, but why?” This will really throw them off balance. You’re on the right track, just keep going.
Step five: Make it personal. This is the step that will really destroy your opponent. Try to get your opponent to cry, maybe use a few Yo Momma jokes! You’re almost there. Keep up the good work.
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Step six: Humiliate your opponent by distracting them. “Look, a unicorn.” When they look, just keep laughing and laughing and laughing. This is the moment your opponent will break down and run away crying.

You did it. You’re a total assh*le, but you did it! No one will ever want to talk to you again, but you won!

I hope you people understand that this is not how it works. I’m just joking. Gotcha!
When you do get into an argument and things start heating up, ask yourself if it’s worth it. Otherwise, just let it go.

Have a nice Tuesday.