Someone to Look Up to

Do you ever read someone else’s writing and think: Why didn’t I think of that!?!
It happens to me all the time!
But!
Have you ever read someone else’s writing and thought: I could have done that way better!
Yeah, me neither…

Most people who have a passion for the arts have someone they look up to. An artist who inspired them to become an artist themselves. Maybe it’s Leonarde Da Vinci. Or Virginia Woolf. Maybe they look up to Meryl Streep. Or Steven Spielberg.

I knew I wanted to be a writer from the day I was born. I’ve always loved telling stories. I can spend hours creating worlds of my own. The possibilities are endless.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a great liar.
We’ll go into that some other time.

Maybe it’s just the way my brain works. Making life more interesting than it actually is.

I don’t want to be the next Hemingway, Angelou, Kafka, Rowling or Austen. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy their writing and I’m fascinated by their talent with words. I just don’t want to try to be like them. I want to tell my own stories, using my words instead of theirs. I will never be able to write what they wrote. Trying to recreate their stories would be an insult to their genius.

It’s not like cooking where you follow a recipe. I mean, isn’t that the true meaning of art, revealing your own imagination?

That’s probably why I had such a hard time being a literary student. Always talking about trying to find the meaning of the author, like it’s somehow hidden within the text underneath all the words. For me, the meaning isn’t hidden. It’s not some mysterious extra layer that can be found. The meaning is right there in front of you. It’s in the words on the page, not the words behind the words. If that even makes sense.

If I’m lucky enough to one day have written words that will be read by students, I hope they will just enjoy the story instead of going on an adventure for some deeper meaning.  I can tell you now, it’s not there. That deeper meaning you will find, has nothing to do with me or my intentions. That deeper meaning is your own. It’s your own creation. It’s yours! Don’t waste it on someone as simple as me. I just wrote the words to tell a story. The story is my art. The meaning within? That’s your imagination creating a story of its own.

Run Wild

Every once in a while I write these stream-of-consciousness posts and just let my thoughts run wild. It’s this fun way to just write whatever comes to mind. With my poetry I can stare at the screen for hours trying to find the right words. With most of my anecdote posts I walk around the room thinking about how I want to tell the story of whatever happened to me that day. And other times I read everything out loud just to make sure the blog post sounds right.

I do think it’s important to think about the stuff you write, but trying to contemplate the meaning of every word can be frustrating and just results in me not writing at all. That’s why I like these exercises so much. I don’t have to worry about what I write down, I just have to get started and everything else just sort of happens. That’s why I try not to edit these posts at all. I usually just keep going until my thoughts sort of dry up. The whole point of these stream-of-consciousness posts is not pushing myself. It’s about having fun and just exploring the thoughts floating into my head. If the thoughts stop, that’s fine.

These posts are the most fun when your brain starts jumping from one subject right into the next. It doesn’t make sense to anyone, but it does to you. You start writing about the fun thing you did yesterday and before you know it you are telling a story about the butterfly that you accidentally killed as a kid (don’t worry, no animals were harmed during the writing of this post).

As writers we challenge ourselves to create stories that people will want to read. We step into the brains of our characters, but even more so into the mind of our readers. We think about writing. We think about meaning. We think about rhythm. But we never just think.

Does that make any sense?

I’m writing this post at work right now and my colleague is skyping me, which is a bit distracting, but let’s be fair I shouldn’t be writing this while at work.

Oops.

Give me a second to help him. I’ll be right back.

I’m back.

What was I saying?

Right, writing about what I think.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, let your thoughts run wild every once in a while. Just write down your thoughts and don’t edit anything out. You might surprise yourself.

Love,
Charlotte

Stuck in your Imagination

What am I doing here
In this land of your creation
You promised to fulfill my dreams
But instead I’m stuck in your imagination

Who are you trying to save
From this forgotten land
There is no one waiting for a savior
There is no one looking for a helping hand

When will it be time
For you to move on to better dreams
I can’t live in this corner of your brain
Where nothing is real, nothing is as it seems

Why won’t you let me go
Into the land without end
Let me leave this doomed hell
I beg off you, please give up my friend

How can you not see
That you have lost this fight
You will not win this battle
And the finish is almost in sight

Where do you think we will end up
when all of this is finally done
I imagine a place of peace and nothingness
A place where I will no longer have to run

I don’t want to let my head get in the way anymore.

Mood: Determined

The other day I was on the train on my way home from work, when the woman standing next to me looked at her phone to read a new message she had just received. She had just gotten a text from her boss/manager. I’m not sure who it was, but from the text it was clear that the man in question was her superior. He had texted her to tell her she had done a good job at work today and that he was impressed by her reaction and determination to what I can only assume was a difficult situation. He complemented her and thanked her for her help. (Sidenote: I don’t know what happened. I’m making these assumptions based on the texts he send and the text she replied with.) Now, I assumed the woman would be happy with this kind text, but what happened next fascinated me. The woman started writing her reply and for the next five minutes I just watched as she rewrote the text about ten times before sending it.

In these five short minutes, I couldn’t look away from the screen. Not because I was fascinated by the text itself, but because I somehow felt connected to the woman’s doubts and insecurities. Apparently, the situation at work had been really difficult for the woman. In her reply, she was trying to explain how the situation had exhausted her and how much effort it had taken her to resolve the problem. She kept trying to explain how she felt, but deleted every sentence because it just didn’t feel right. In the beginning she started by thanking her boss for the compliment and the kind words, but she then couldn’t find the right words to express how bad she felt. The second attempt started with her immediately telling her boss this had been too much for her to handle, but she quickly deleted that text too. The third an fourth attempt went similarly. She would write an entire sentence and would immediately delete it. After a while she started a sentence and stuck with it, but started making so many changes a completely new sentence eventually appeared. This kept going for a while, until finally she just gave up, wrote the text and send it without thinking about it.

You might be wondering why I’m writing about this. Why would anyone care about this woman trying to write a text to her boss? Why did I care?

Well, because I’ve been in her shoes so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve rewritten so many texts and emails and have deleted so many words and sentences I think I must have used all the words in the dictionary by now. The moment I start writing an important email or an emotional text, I’m already thinking about the reply. My brain is already one step ahead and starts analyzing every word.

Do I come across to aggressive or not aggressive enough? Does this reply even make sense or am I just being stupid? Do they even care? Am I over thinking this? Will they understand what I’m trying to say? Should I even write this message to begin with?

After a while it gets too exhausting and I just finish the email or text and press send. I just hope for the best and 9 out of 10 times everything works out fine. But how much time have I wasted by rewriting every word?

The first text the woman wrote in reply to her boss was perfect. She expressed her gratitude for his kind words, but was honest about how the situation had affected her. The words were everything they needed to be, but her head got in the way.

I guess the real reason I’m writing this post is because I don’t want to let my head get in the way anymore.

Love,
Charlotte

Written Words

Are you ready? Let’s do this. Here’s how it works: No plan. No ideas. Just words!

So many words already written
It seems
Like there is nothing left to say
Inspiration still keeps floating
In the air
Like a song that can never end
But repetition reappears
And you have to start all over again

Until one day
A new song starts playing
Loud so everyone can hear
Use your ears to listen
To the story this song wants to tell
Write it down
In words never before written
Let the world know
What you have to say

Love,
Charlotte

Why I Want to Travel More

Growing up the only countries I’d visit were France and sometimes Germany. My dad doesn’t like to fly and therefor we would travel by car and this would greatly limit our options. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. We were very fortunate to be able to go on holiday every summer. And I loved going on adventures with my family.  

We would spend two weeks in the south of France to enjoy the sun, the beach, and the food (well in my case the food we would bring from the Netherlands, because the Dutch aren’t known for their diverse taste). I remember we would bring an entire bag of Dutch meals every year. Sometimes we would even bring our own milk. Oh, how I hated the milk in France as a kid.

But I digress.

Because we always visited the same country, my world was very small as a kid. I never realized how big the world truly was until the first time I was on a plane. I visited London with my mom, my sister, my grandma, my aunt, and my cousin. I believe I was around twelve, maybe thirteen. It was a girls trip for Christmas. To this day, it’s still one of my favourite trips ever. All of a sudden my world became giant. The possibilities were endless. I could fly to the end of the world and visit, well everywhere. I was still too young to really explore the world, but the travelling seed was planted. The next time I flew on a plane was five years later, when I visited London again with my friends as a graduation trip.

After that second time in London visiting a new city became a yearly tradition. Every year, me and one of my best friends visit a different city. After London, we visited Dublin and then Edinburgh, and next year we’ll be visiting Belfast. The more cities I visited the more I fell in love with discovering new places. Last year, my sister and I went on a road trip through the Highlands in Scotland and it was absolutely amazing. I have so many wonderful memories from that trip. Memories I will have forever. Just last month I visited Bergen (in Norway) with my brother. We hiked up mountains and enjoyed the amazing views.

Now, I have a job that allows me to travel more than I could before and I want to go beyond Europe and explore cities all over the world. Living in a small world as a child was perfect. It was exactly right. In that moment it was all that was possible. But now I can go further and see more. I have the possibility to really see the world and I don’t want to take that gift for granted. My world has grown so much since I was a kid and every time I visit a new place it grows a little more.

I don’t ever want my world to stop growing. That’s why I want to travel more.

Love,
Charlotte 

When it’s Time

How do you know when it’s time?
Time to go
Or time to stop
How do you know when it’s time?
Time to fight
Or time to give in

How do you know when it’s time?
Time to listen
Or time to speak

How do you know?
How?
Only time will tell

Have a nice Tuesday!

Love,
Charlotte

In The End

Always on the move
Straight from point a to z
No time
To take a moment
To stop
And catch your breath
To you
I pose this question:
Was it worth it
In the end?

Have a nice Saturday!

Love,
Charlotte

What do you want?

For some reason, this question has been floating through my head a lot lately. It’s probably because of the IT traineeship I’ve started recently. This traineeship focuses on self-discovery and self-improvement as well as achieving ambitious work goals. However, to truly move forward and make improvements you need a goal. And in order to set a goal you need to know what you want! How else are you supposed to accomplish anything?

While beginning this new journey, I’ve realised that that this question is almost impossible to answer. I mean, how do you even begin to explain what you want? Some days I really want pizza for dinner, other days I want nothing more than to travel all around the world. Some days I wish I had been more brave and other days I wish I had said nothing at all.

As you can see, I’ve spend way too much time thinking about this. I did come to some interesting discoveries, though. Setting a goal at the end of the horizon can be really inspiring, but you need some smaller goals along the way if you want to keep moving forward. There are people in life who crawl their way out of the whomb knowing exactly what they want, others need some more time, and some will never really know at all. In the end it doesn’t really matter. Stop worrying about the end. All you need is a little victory waiting just around the corner.

Let me explain!

Focusing on the big picture will just get overwhelming. So instead, I’ve started giving myself small goals, little accomplishments with big celebrations. Sometimes it’s something as simple as only taking the stairs for the day. Other times I try to challenge myself to really step outside of my comfort zone. However, make sure the goal is concrete. You don’t want to have to convince yourself that you really accomplished to goal at the end of the day.

For example, talk to that intimidating colleague, is a lot more concrete than do something that scares you. And go for a 30 min run works a lot better than get some exercise!

You also don’t want to over do it. Stick to one goal a day. That’s it! Just make sure that it fits around that corner and you’re good to go!

What do you do when you don’t accomplish the goal? No worries, there’s always another corner ahead. Set the same goal for the next day or write it down and try some other time. Maybe you just weren’t ready yet! And there is such a long road ahead, you don’t want to rush it.

So, I ask you! Want do you want?

Have a nice Friday!

Love,
Charlotte

The Colours of Winter

SpecialSaturday #8

A white dust covers the earth
While the green grass slowly disappears

A grey cold has taken over
While red warmth hides inside

Yet,
The yellow sun shines bright
While the blue sky mirrors the sea

Some fear this winter landscape
While I look forward to it, every year

Have a nice Saturday!